“If you can change your mind, you can change your life.
What you believe creates the actual fact.
The greatest revolution of my generation is to discover that
Individuals, by changing their inner attitudes of mind, can change
the outer aspects of their lives.”
– William James
Transform self-sabotage into success. By discovering the positive intent behind a negative behavior or attitude,
you can release tremendous energy and positive commitment. In his outstanding book Sleight Of Mouth:
The Magic Of Conversational Belief Change, master trainer and famous NLP developer Robert Dilts says:
“At some level all behavior is (or at one time was) “positively intended.” It is or was perceived as appropriate given the context in which it was established, from the point of view of the person whose behavior it is. It is easier and more productive to respond to the intention rather than the expression of a problematic behavior. “
Here are the steps to Find Positive Intentions in the whatever you do…
Step #1. Define the problem.
Briefly state the problem with enough detail so that it is clear in your mind. Mind must be clear about what
the exact problem is. It may primarily be a situation, personal problem, or a challenge. Define what meaning you
give to an Unproductive Behavior. Be clear about what behavior is productive. State the reason for the meaning you gave,
why any particular behavior is unproductive as per you. You must be clear about it, with no confusions.
Step #2. Reveal the Underlying Motives
Take a few minutes to relax, breathe deeply and lay back. Now, go inside, imagine your mind has special internal messengers.”
These are parts of your personality, which have characteristic tendencies or habitual behaviors.
Find the part that is responsible for generating the unproductive behavior.
Bring this part into awareness as though it were a complete personality.
Remember that a part is an aspect of you.
A part is like a little personality inside of you. In order to be aligned and successful,
you must not work at cross purposes with yourself. This requires negotiating or working with your parts.
Now imagine that you can do a role playing game with this particular part. Ask the part what it
wanted to have, do or become, through the negative behavior or attitude. What value or benefit it
expects to get from this. Ask directly, “What did you wish for me to accomplish by doing this?”
Take as much time as you need to imagine and listen to the part’s responses.
Step #3. Get to the core motives.
Keep asking “why” and “what” questions to clarify the motives. Recycle each answer into a new question.
Practice questioning until you feel that you have gotten to the core motives. You should identify a
core belief along with the core value and core reasons for the behaviors or attitudes that, at first glance,
seem to be unsupportive of you.