Month: April 2016

5 Ways To Take Control Of Your Life. – Thousand Thoughts

Living-your-best-life-The-Leader-of-Tomorrow

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a rut? Maybe it feels like you don’t belong where you are, but you can’t find a way out. You’ve tried everything, but you just can’t see the light.

Countless self-help articles urge you to go all out in pursuit of your dreams, but this only leaves you feeling further from a life of fulfillment.

Your dreams might still be under construction, but you don’t have to feel pushed down by life any longer. You were not meant to just get by in life. You were meant for more. Life is full of ups and downs, but this does not mean that you should only aim to survive.

Remember those dreams you used to have? The ones that used to light your soul on fire? Don’t let yourself bury them any longer. Now is the time to finally start living, no matter what your circumstances may be on the outside.

Imagine looking back a year from now smiling at the fruits of your labor instead of wondering why you’re in the same exact place.

Below are 5 ways to finally start living out your truth not tomorrow, not the next day, but right this very second:

1. Listen to what your emotions are telling you

Stop stuffing down your emotions, telling yourself that everything is going to be alright and to just get through it. Please, just stop. Your emotions are meant to be a guide; a guide that can help you chart out your life in accordance to what truly matters to you.

We were not meant to be set on autopilot. We were meant to struggle and rejoice and paint the sky green. We were meant to feel alive. Whatever your emotions may be telling you, use them as clues in unlocking your truth.

“The artist is a receptacle for emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web.”– Pablo Picasso

2. Stop thinking you need something else to be happy

Just decide that you are going to be happy with what you’ve got right now, today. While it is important to listen to your emotions, you must make peace with the things that you cannot change.

This does not mean that you are settling into your current lifestyle. This means that you are not going to make your life a living hell in pursuit of your goals. It’s important to have goals and dreams high enough that it takes some muscle, but it is also essential to realize that all we have is this moment.

Don’t look back on your life regretting that you constantly beat yourself up in search of some pot of gold. The gold is today, in this very moment. The gold is in how you treat others, in how much your roll up your sleeves when the going gets tough and in everything that cannot be seen.

 

3. Be so confident, no one can stop you

Confidence is one of the most powerful tools you could ever have and yet so few people actually have it. So, doesn’t it seem that if you could obtain your own self-confidence, you would go much further?

Once you decide to cut out the negative self-talk and commit yourself to becoming as confident as you can be, your whole life will change. With confidence, it is so much easier to get through obstacles in life.

Even more, confidence attracts the right people to you. It draws people in and makes them want to be around you. Make self-confidence a huge priority in your life and you will blaze a trail, instead of making every obstacle bigger than it is.

 

4. Demand respect

You may not be able to immediately change where you are in life and who you interact with on a daily basis,but you can absolutely demand respect from those around you. Without respect, you will not go very far. You will only dig yourself deeper in a hole that is not very easy to get out of.

Even when your voice shakes, make it a point to stand up for yourself. As a basic human right, we all deserve respect. Don’t be a slave to others who are not treating you right. Make the decision to love yourself first.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” – Lao Tzu

5. Build your bubble

Those who create their own destiny do not allow the negativity of others to creep into their lives. They draw lines where needed. Whether it be saying no to too many commitments or being firm against those who want you to join their pity party, you must immediately cleanse your life of the BS.

To live life on your own terms, build a bubble of what matters to you and what you will allow. While a great deal of life is out of our control, we must recognize what is in our power. We call the shots on what we are willing to put up with.

Stop making excuses and decide to take control of what you can. Start playing offense, instead of defense. This is your life. Once you believe you have the power to change it, a new world opens up.

How are you going to take control of your life? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Source: Addicted to success

Top 15 Meaningful Quotes to give your life new energy. – Thousand Thoughts

Some Best ever meaningful quotes

Listed below are top meaningful quotes that will help you on the road to regaining a clearer perspective.

Further below will be top 15 Meaningful quotes on images

1. In life, we get more frustrated by the things we didn’t do rather than the things we did. Get away from your comfort zone, cast away your safe harbor, catch the trade and wind as you sail away. In simple terms, explore, dream and discover! By Mark Twain.

2.You are what you consistently think about- Earl Nightingale.

3. Great men are not born great, they grow great. Mario Puzo.

4. Life is not all about getting and having; sometimes its about giving and just being. Kevin Kruse.

5. Life is about making an impact, not an income-Kevin Kruse.

6. Just because you failed once doesn’t translate to you failing at everything. Keep trying, holding on, and always, always believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself who will? By Marilyn Monroe.

7. You are not a product of your circumstances but a product of your decisions. By Maya Angelou.

Now Top 15 meaningful Quotes on images

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes #life

 

To reach the top of success one need to maintain the thought.:

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes #quotation

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes #quotations

 

blog.thousandthoughts.org

 

Believe in your dream

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes #wise

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes #word

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes to give your life new energy #best

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes to give your life new energy #cool

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes to give your life new energy #famous

 

Anthony Robbins

 

Top 40 Meaningful Quotes to give your life new energy #life

 

Feel Free To Spread The Energy. Share with people you love.

 

7 Small Gestures That Make People Feel Incredibly Loved.

Small Gestures that makes them feel loved

In our fast-paced culture, dominated by technology and electronic communication, it’s easy to understand why we’ve lost so much human interaction, and left behind the small gestures that can make people feel loved. We’ve abandoned feelings and emotions for convenience and speed, barely ever leaving thoughtful notes for someone we care about, because texting is so much faster.

A recent AskReddit thread is giving everyone the warm fuzzies, posing the question, “What small gesture makes you feel enormously loved?” The answers span a wide range, from forehead kisses and backrubs, to two strangers exchanging a smile, to addressing someone by their name when you’re talking to them. Some appear seemingly casual, while others signify a momentous shift in someone’s life. It was a slap in the face in the best way possible, reminding me just how important the “little” things are — and how maybe they aren’t so little after all.

This thread reminds me of the times my boyfriend has walked in the apartment with flowers, for no reason at all; or the time he bought me expensive coconut ice cream because I couldn’t have any diary. Then I ate all the coconut ice cream and he was like, “Megan, WTF.” Still, though — worth it.

What small gestures made you feel loved? Here’s what some people had to say.

1. Handwritten Love Letters

Knowing that someone took the time to write you a letter — when they could’ve texted or emailed — is truly heartwarming. Handwritten letters are good for the giver, too! The activity has been shown to increase motivation, decrease stress, and improve your overall mood and well-being.

2. Really Caring About Your Day

What makes this so fascinating is how little we’re actually communicating with words. When someone asks about your day, remember that only seven percent of your answer is delivered to them verbally. The other 93, they get from tuning in to your tone and facial expressions.

3. Totally Relaxing Physical Affection

Not only does it feel incredible, but there is actual research that explains the mental and physical health benefits of physical touch. For example, it has been correlated with decreased violence, increased trust, a stronger immune system, greater learning engagement, and stronger bonds between people.

4. Remembering The Details

Science says that on any given day, the average person hears somewhere between 20,000 and 30,000 words — and of that, they only remember 17 to 25 percent! So when someone remembers something specific about you, you can know that they really do care.

5. Random Surprises

You can really brighten someone’s day with an out-of-the-blue gift or kind act. Additionally, it’s good for you! Research has found that doing random acts of kindness can improve your mood and relationship satisfaction, while decreasing anxiety and social avoidance.

6. Feeling Included, Because You’re Important

Some statistics have the divorce rate at 50 percent, with a whopping 75 percent later remarrying. Additionally, well over 1,000 new stepfamilies are forming every single day. With so many people coming together, it’s touching to know that it’s not just blood that makes you family.

7. Expressing Concern For Someone’s Safety

It’s a true friend who wants to make sure you’re safe and sound; and science has found that solid friendships encourage healthy behavior, boost self-esteem, and help fight off depression.

 

Source: 

I Spent A Day In Jail And It Completely Changed My View Of Inmates

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Spartanburg County, South Carolina suffered from one of the worst health rates a couple of years ago. With high pregnancy rates, high crime rates and high poverty rates, the county was headed in what seemed to be a horrible direction.

After much collaboration with nonprofits and other foundations, there was a big change in the health rates of Spartanburg. One of the biggest changes was the implementation of new programs in their detention center.

For a mass media and health class, I had the opportunity to visit the Spartanburg Detention Center and experience something that can only be described as life-changing. Each student took away something different from the experience, but here’s what I learned and what I’ll never forget:

1. Being in jail doesn’t necessarily mean you’re guilty.

One of the first lessons learned that day was there’s a difference between being arrested and being convicted. Most people who are put in jail are people who were arrested and are awaiting their court date, not actual convicted felons.

After their court date, if these people are proven not guilty, they can continue with their everyday lives, granted they’re not placed on probation. This was essential to understanding the people we would encounter during our tour. We were about to encounter possibly innocent citizens who are sitting in a jail cell because they don’t have enough money to bail themselves out.

In a similar light, there are people who actually committed a crime roaming freely around the county because they were wealthy enough to bail themselves out. All they have to do is wait for their court date. This is extremely unfair, in my opinion, but this is just how our justice system works.


2. You eat where you sh*t.

Jail is no joke, and the inmates we talked to made sure we understood this. When the tour began, I didn’t think we would actually be able to walk around the jail and see how these people lived.

One of the first rooms we saw was a room for three female inmates. The sheriff asked them to step outside for us to see it, but there was really nothing to see.

All these women had was a small room equipped with a bunkbed, a twin-sized mattress on the floor next to them and about 3 feet of space between each bed.

There was a small sink and a small toilet. There is no cafeteria at the detention center, and the food is delivered directly to their cells. There was absolutely no room for activities that involved any kind of physical movement.


3. You can’t judge circumstances you’ve never experienced.

As soon as the sheriff asked the three women to step outside, they respected his orders and walked out, backs against the wall. One of them was holding a book, which is not something I would typically expect from an inmate.

When the sheriff asked them to say a few words to the young women touring the detention center, what they had to say changed my perception of them almost immediately. They were all mothers. One of them had been in jail every year since 2007.

“And why do you think you keep coming back?” asked the sheriff.

“Drugs,” she said.

Her voice, her sad eyes and her story were powerful enough to make me view her differently. And that’s when it hit me: It’s wrong to judge someone before hearing his or her story.


4. It’s never too late.

The Spartanburg County Detention Center has many programs that are used to encourage the inmates’ mental health. They implemented GED programs in which the inmates can earn a degree after participating for a couple of months.

The sheriff told us a story about a boy who was 23 years old. The court decided he was innocent, so he was forced to leave the facility before finishing his GED course. He begged the officers to let him stay and finish.

After many arrangements, he was able to graduate. The determination some of these inmates exhibited is something we all can take a lesson from.

This boy actually wanted to stay in prison in order to finish his education. That is admirable.

With determination, people can take the people they were and turn themselves into something entirely different and positive. They can become the people they want to be. With a strong mind and good intentions for oneself, anything is possible.

Many of these people are way beyond the point in their lives where they need to be worried about getting a GED, but they recognized it’s a necessary step in becoming successful in this world, especially after being arrested and imprisoned.

It’s never too late to go back to school or even teach yourself something new. It’s never too late to do something you’ve always wanted to do, but never could. And it’s definitely never too late to successfully become the person you always dreamed of being.


5. It could be anyone.

The sheriff who gave us the tour made sure we knew the risks of being an irresponsible adult.

“Every single person in this room is one bad decision away from ending up at a detention center,” he said.

Think about how many bad decisions we all make or how many bad decisions our friends make that can send them to a detention center, but these decisions (luckily) go unnoticed by the law. It’s important to think about that every time someone is about to make a irrational decision, like driving a car after one too many beers.

My trip to South Carolina was an extremely educational one. Anyone we know — even ourselves — may end up in jail because of the way our justice system is set up.

I’m not trying to minimize the actions of some of these inmates. Some of them have done a lot of bad things, and they know that. I’m trying to show our communities that just because someone is in jail or has been to jail, that doesn’t mean he or she is necessarily a bad person.

We need to make sure others know how important it is to never judge a book by its cover because you can never truly understand someone else’s circumstances. But, you can try and put yourself in other people’s shoes, just like I did by spending a day at the Spartan County Detention Center. At the end of the day, that makes all of us more human.

Author: Mercedes Leguizamon

Source: Elite Daily

10 Reasons Pisces Are The Most Difficult People To Understand.

Gabrielle Lutze

As a Pisces, I can tell you pretty confidently that we’re a pretty tough group to read.

Don’t get your panties in a bunch, though — I love myself and all my fellow Piscean friends, but you have to admit, you either have no idea what’s going on in your Pisces-friend’s head, or you are the Pisces who constantly feels misunderstood.

Well, I have good news!

You’re not alone, and you can thank your sun sign for all that confusion.

Here are 10 reasons why no one understands a Pisces, and why that is totally okay:

1. Pisces is the 12th sign of the zodiac.

Being that Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, those born under this sign have a mix of characteristics from all the eleven preceding signs.

This means that Pisces are somewhat at a constant battle in choosing how to feel and that non-Pisces have an extra hard time figuring out how one feels.

Pisces are pretty indecisive, even with the silliest of decisions. However, they are also very open-minded. A Pisces is the friend who always says yes, even if it means he or she has to cancel later (guilty).

This battle of characteristics force Pisces to think before feeling. Yes, Pisces can be quite impulsive, but they think before they act first even if it doesn’t seem so.

Being this way means they are always willing to try new things at least once.


2. Pisces are always seeking new experiences.

Pisces are constantly looking for new things, but don’t let this offend you; they are most happy when they have someone along side them, experiencing these new things as well.

A Pisces would most successfully be in a relationship with someone who is just as stir crazy and up for anything.

If a Pisces feels trapped, he or she will most likely revert to his or her impulsive side and jump at the first opportunity for change.


3. They are compassionate and charitable.

Did anyone else cry while watching the new GE commercial? I did.

It can seem like a Pisces’ compassion even for strangers is a little over the top, especially in this world. But, it really is a good thing and it’s totally genuine. When you need someone to be compassionate with you, you’ve got it.


4. They have trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy.

Pisces are, at heart, dreamers. Jupiter and Neptune, the latter of which represents illusions, rule them.

Pisces shift from goal to goal and sometimes, those goals may seem impossible. To a Pisces though, the goals are as close to reality as it gets. Silly fishes.


5. Empathy rules.

Pisces are extremely empathetic. Sometimes, they place another’s emotions over their own, and this can be chaotic because they are then left to fester in their own ignored emotions.

This is also great because if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or genuine advice, a Pisces will selflessly give it.


6. They can only think straight when they’re alone.

Locking yourself in your room for an hour usually means something is wrong, right? Not necessarily for Pisces. If they are socializing 24/7, they are probably on autopilot.

A Pisces needs to take time to him or herself to gather thoughts and feel productive.


7. They are inherently introverted.

This basically means that they are always trying to surround themselves with new people, but they don’t know when those people switch from new people to actual friends.

A Pisces finds it difficult to be his or her full self around people to whom he or she doesn’t feel close.

This can come off as fake or closed off, but in reality, it is most attributed to a Pisces’ innate curiosity about other people’s lives and stories. Excuse Pisces and their many questions.


8. They accept literally everyone.

This has gotten me, personally, in a bit of trouble. A Pisces assumes the best in all people. In fact, it was probably a Pisces who coined, “innocent until proven guilty.”

A Pisces-hosted party is an interesting sight — people of all walks of life are welcome, as far as a Pisces is concerned.


9. They’re a little oversensitive.

And by a little, I mean a lot. Words cut deep with Pisces, so this might be why your Piscean friend hasn’t been as chatty lately.

Be careful with your words and be honest with how you feel because Pisces are also sensitive to others’ emotions. If you’re feeling stressed, a Pisces can feel it. Trust me.


10. They need role models.

… And they look for it in everyone. If you feel like a Pisces looks up to you, it’s probably because one does.

Without a role model, a Pisces feels lost and usually can’t decide what his or her next goal or step should be.

Author: Ilia Jones

Source: 

10 Things To Keep In Mind When Falling For A Pisces Man Or Woman.

Pisces

It’s not easy loving a Pisces.

Members of this sign can be a bit wishy-washy and emotionally driven, and they’re constantly living in a dream-like state.

As a Pisces, I know all of my partners have had to, in one way or another, adjust and adapt to my ways.

What can I say? It’s difficult when you are naturally drawn to just going with the flow.

If you are in a relationship or looking to pursue a relationship with a Pisces, here are 10 things to keep in mind:

1. They seek true love.

Pisces need to feel loved, though they won’t always explicitly state it. Being with a Pisces is more than just sharing a bed or a home together; they seek a deep spiritual connection.

This could be due to our dreamy state, but Pisces want to believe true love can exist between two people.


2. They are devoted.

Of all the signs in the zodiac, Pisces are the most romantic and caring. They display their affection with beautifully romantic and elegant gestures, further demonstrating their creativity and devotion to their partners. Pisces let their hearts speak and rule over them.


3. They are intuitive.

Pisces always listen to their guts. They can sense when something is wrong or off.

If you are having a bad day, or maybe stayed out too late and don’t want to get in trouble with your partner, don’t try to lie to Pisces. They will call you on it.


4. The are passionate.

The sexuality of Pisces is very romantic and mystical. One of the biggest turn offs for a Pisces is crude behavior, as they prefer sweetness and passion.

Sex with a Pisces is intimate, passionate and mind-blowing. Pisces will always give!


5. They are deep.

Communicating with a Pisces can be difficult sometimes, as their thoughts can go down elaborate paths. Understanding and communicating with them requires you to follow their winding road of thoughts.


6. They are giving.

Pisces are notorious for their indecisiveness. When dating a Pisces, it has to be remembered they are givers, they’ll sacrifice and they are all about the flow.

Feel like watching a chick flick, but your Pisces wants action and gore? He’ll sit through and watch your movie without a peep because he is with you, and you are happy!


7. They need alone time.

Sometimes, when the tough get going, a Pisces will become a recluse and avoid everyone and anyone. Because of their high emotions, Pisces can become overwhelmed. They will need to escape, and this may come in the form of drugs, alcohol and thrill-seeking bad habits.

It’s important to show your support and be there for them when they are ready to come out of hiding. Like fish, they can startle easily and hide even longer.


8. They value simplicity.

Pisces enjoy simple pleasures. Yes, they enjoy the being with their friends, but they aren’t really a fan of large crowds.

When it comes to dates, Pisces would rather have a simple dinner than a crowded, elbow-to-elbow restaurant. That isn’t to say they wouldn’t mind these things on occasion, but balance is key.


9. They are dreamers.

Though Pisces love living in their dream worlds, the last thing they would want for you to do is pop their bubbles and ruin their illusions.

Though you may think it’s time for them to come back down to Earth, popping their bubbles is essentially shutting down who they truly are. Pisces can live and handle the two realities with ease, and it often contributes to their creativity and inspiration.


10. They’re loyal.

Pisces are not usually the ones to leave relationships.

Like the element of water of which they are a part of, they adapt to the container of life and the relationships they find themselves in.

Loving a Pisces can be hard at times, but know you will have their love forever. Their happiness will always be tied to making sure you are happy.

 

Author: Merylee Sevilla

Source.

How Smart People Deal With People They Don’t Like.

 

In a perfect world, each person we interact with would be nice, kind, considerate, mindful, generous, and more. They would get our jokes and we would get theirs. We would all thrive in a convivial atmosphere where no one was ever cross, upset, or maligned.

However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we (admittedly) drive a few mad as well. Those we dislike are inconsiderate, rushed, malign our character, question our motives, or just don’t get our jokes at all — but expect us to laugh at all theirs.

You might wonder whether it is possible to be fair to someone who ruffles you all the time, or someone you’d rather avoid eating lunch with. You might wonder if you should learn to like every person you meet.

According to Robert Sutton (a professor of management science at Stanford University), it’s neither possible — nor even ideal — to build a team comprised entirely of people you’d invite to a backyard barbecue.

That’s why smart people make the most out of people they don’t like. Here’s how they do it.

1. They accept that they are not going to like everyone.

Sometimes we get caught in the trap of thinking that we are nice people. We think that we are going to like everyone we interact with — even when that’s not going to happen. It’s inevitable you will encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are a result of differences in values.

That person you don’t like is not intrinsically a bad human. The reason you don’t get along is because you have different values, and that difference creates judgment. Once you accept that not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone because of a difference in values, the realization can take the emotion out of the situation. That may even result in getting along better by agreeing to disagree.

2. They bear with (not ignore or dismiss) those they don’t like.

Sure, you may cringe at his constant criticism, grit your teeth at her lousy jokes, or shake your head at the way he hovers around her all the time, but feeling less than affectionate to someone might not be the worst thing. “From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage too much is a bigger problem than liking them too little,” says Sutton.

“You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue,” Sutton adds. “They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.” It may not be easy, but bear with them. It is often those who challenge or provoke us that prompt us to new insights and help propel the group to success. Remember, you are not perfect either, yet people still tolerate you.

3. They treat those they don’t like with civility.

Whatever your feelings are for someone, that person will be highly attuned to your attitude and behavior, and will likely reflect it back to you. If you are rude to them, they will likely throw away all decorum and be rude to you too. The onus; therefore, is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.

“Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to come across as professional and positive,” says Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist and author of The Blame Game. This way you won’t stoop to their level or be sucked into acting the way they do.

4. They check their own expectations.

It’s not uncommon for people to have unrealistic expectations about others. We may expect others to act exactly as we would, or say the things that we might say in a certain situation. However, that’s not realistic. “People have ingrained personality traits that are going to largely determine how they react,” says Alan A. Cavaiola, PhD (psychology professor at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, New Jersey). “Expecting others to do as you would do is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.”

If a person causes you to feel exactly the same way every time, adjust your expectations appropriately. This way you’ll be psychologically prepared and their behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. They’re not always surprised by a dis-likable person’s behavior.

5. They turn inwards and focus on themselves.

No matter what you try, some people can still really get under our skin. It’s important that you learn how to handle your frustration when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about how irritating that person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. Sometimes what we don’t like in others is frequently what we don’t like in ourselves. Besides, they didn’t create the button, they’re only pushing it.

Pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings. You may then be able to anticipate, soften, or even alter your reaction. Remember: it’s easier to change your perceptions, attitude, and behavior than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.

6. They pause and take a deep breath.

Some personality characteristics may always set you off, says Kathleen Bartle (a California-based conflict consultant). Maybe it’s the colleague who regularly misses deadlines, or the guy who tells off-color jokes. Take a look at what sets you off and who’s pushing your buttons. That way, Bartle says, you can prepare for when it happens again.

According to her, “If you can pause and get a grip on your adrenaline pump and go to the intellectual part of your brain, you’ll be better able to have a conversation and to skip over the judgment.” A deep breath and one big step back can also help to calm you down and protect you from overreaction, thereby allowing you to proceed with a slightly more open mind and heart.

7. They voice their own needs.

If certain people constantly tick you off, calmly let them know that their manner of behavior or communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory language and instead try the “When you . . . I feel . . .” formula. For example, Cacaiola advises you to tell that person, “When you cut me off in meetings, I feel like you don’t value my contributions.” Then, take a moment and wait for their response.

You may find that the other person didn’t realize you weren’t finished speaking, or your colleague was so excited about your idea that she enthusiastically jumped into the conversation.

8. They allow space between them.

If all else fails, smart people allow space between themselves and those they don’t like. Excuse yourself and go on your way. If at work, move to another room or sit at the other end of the conference table. With a bit of distance, perspective, and empathy, you may be able to come back and interact both with those people you like and those you don’t like as if unfazed.

Of course, everything would be easier if we could wish people we don’t like away. Too bad we all know that’s not how life works.

Featured photo credit: sachman75 via flickr.com

Source: LifeHack.org

Sapiosexuals: Why We’re Scientifically Attracted To Intelligent People.

I’ll readily admit that I’d f*ck someone ugly if he were super smart. When a guy can challenge me intellectually, I literally get wet. I’m not even kidding right now.

elitedaily-lumina-businessman-at-work-800x400

When I see a guy in glasses, sitting behind a book on the train, I don’t even see anything else. I just want to jump him because he looks smart.

I am so into smart guys. I don’t even care if he’s an assh*le, as long as he’s smart AF.

I once had a man approach me at a cafe and ask me about a Russian novel I was reading because he also loved Solzhenitsyn. Needless to say, buddy boy got my number and into my pants two weeks later. Sorry not sorry.

I am a proud sapiosexual. And I am not alone. Generation Y is teeming with us.

A sapiosexual is someone who finds sexual stimulation from the way a person’s mind works. It means you literally are attracted to intelligence. Looks take a backseat to a person’s wit.

When you think about it, why shouldn’t the brain be the thing we’re attracted to? Why would you want muscles over conversation? Why would you want looks over books?

It’s the brain that makes the man or woman. Looks fade; knowledge is forever.

Science is finally getting behind what we’ve all known all along: Smart is sexy.

According to Diana Rabb, a PhD in transpersonal psychology:

The brain is the largest sex organ. Those who admit to being sapiosexual will say that they are turned on by the brain and tend to be teased or excited by the insights of another person.

Sound familiar? If you are anything like me, all you want is a troll with an amazing, dark sense of humor, cultural knowledge and a hankering for Salinger.

Rabb continues:

As foreplay, the sapiosexual person may crave philosophical, political or psychological discussions because this turns [him or her] on.

So for us, intelligence is the way to get us hot and bothered. If a man can engage in a healthy debate with us or make us think in a different way about something, that’s the first step to sex.

For some, foreplay is a little heavy petting, but not for the sapiosexuals of the world! A little talk of politics or our favorite authors and we are going to need to get it in immediately.

Ugh, I’m kind of turning myself on right now thinking about smart men in glasses telling me something about “Heart of Darkness” and allegories.

Sapiosexuality: It is a real thing.

Smart man, strong sperm.

Researchers from the University of Mexico have found a connection between a man’s virility and his intelligence.

The study tested the sperm of 400 men after putting them through intense mental testing.

Those with higher IQs directly correlated with having healthy sperm. Therefore, smart men have the strongest sperm.

Women are attracted to intelligence because their ovaries can sense that choosing a smart mate means a better chance of having babies.

Women are all about getting the best sperm to make their babies. We’re selective like that.

If you like his brain, you’re going to like his sperm.


High intelligence, high sex drive.

Research conducted by the sex toy company Lovehoney found a direct connection with high IQ and libido.

As reported in Medical Daily, the company found that students from “elite” universities were among the most frequent toy buyers. So, it’s the smartest among us who are also the most sexual.

While the research shows the amount of sex you’re having may be inversely related to your intelligence, your sex drive is actually more rigorous.

So if you’re dating a man or woman who is especially brainy, you can probably bet he or she is going to be especially horny as well. Who doesn’t want to be having more sex?

As a highly sexual woman, I have to say this is wonderful news. Smart sex is good sex.


We feel like we have something to prove to our parents.

If you go home with someone, and he doesn’t have a lot of books, don’t f*ck ’em! – John Waters

I see this quote everywhere these days, from tweets to Instas. This generation has rallied around intelligence.

Despite what older generations may think, Gen-Y is a generation of readers and writers. We’re thinkers and creatives more than anything else. We dream big.

We crave knowledge. We want to understand the world around us. Since we’re constantly faulted for our love of selfies, Instagram and partying, we’ve started to push back against the backlash.

We’ve started a Millennial movement around being smart. It isn’t attractive to be stupid.

We revere intelligence and see it as sexually appealing because we want to show the world how smart we actually are.

Take that, Gen-X! Take that, Mom!

We aren’t wrapped up in our gym selfies and food pictures; we’re wrapped up in Steinbeck and Socrates.

We want to show how far we’ve come cerebrally despite all of this technology and vacuous bullsh*t we’re surrounded by.


Dumb is never cute.

We’re trying to get our hands on everything we can to improve ourselves. If you’re not smart, you’re not appealing.

Your mind is the sexiest thing you have. If we can win people over with the wit of our personalities instead of our looks, we’ve emerged victorious.

We’re writing on every forum we can get our name on. We’re devouring paperbacks on the subway.

We’re looking down on anyone without a college degree, and we’re absorbing all of the information the Internet can provide for us.

We’re utilizing our resources for the greater good.

Despite how superficial and narcissistic we’re made out to be, we’re actually the most highly educated and authentic people out there.

We’re attracted to intelligence because we understand its worth. We can see past the emptiness of celebrity gossip and reality television and into what is really important.

We love with our minds first and our hearts second.

Author: Gigi Engle, Gigi Engle is a Staff Writer for Elite Daily, covering all things sex and love related. She’s completely insane, but in a good way. Follow her on Facebook, Insta and Twitter @GigiEngle

Source: Elite Daily

10 Lifestyle Changes You Should Make In Your 30s.

Your 30s are an exciting time! You may feel like you’re in the prime of your life—or you could feel like you’re slowing down a bit. Either way, you are wiser and have experienced a little more of life. You’ve, hopefully, gotten some unhealthy behaviors out of your system like clubbing all weekend and spending all your disposable cash on new kicks or handbags. You are now easing into the motions of adult life.

To give you a heads-up on this new, exciting phase of your life, here are 10 lifestyle changes you should make in your 30s to enjoy wellness of body and mind, and lay the foundation for lifelong success.

1. Start loving yourself more

Loving yourself and becoming comfort in your own skin is particularly important in your 30s as you settle into adulthood and all it entails, including bills, career, taxes, a spouse and maybe even kids. Only when you love yourself can you truly be able to extend love to others, both in your personal and professional life. Besides, embracing yourself during this period is incredibly freeing.

Start each day by appreciating and applauding yourself for you are beautiful, smart and capable, and you are doing the best you can. Be confident and proud of all of your choices, likes, dislikes, hopes and dreams. And stop hanging around people who don’t treat you well. Instead, spend more time with loved ones who make you feel good. This will nurture your emotions and boost your self esteem.

2. Start building your dream private life

Your private or personal life is going to play a major role in your happiness, success and satisfaction in life. So, if you want to get married, have kids or buy a house, your 30s are a great time to get started on those goals. Ask yourself what you can do between now and the end of the year to embark on your dream private life. Don’t delay pursuing your dream life. Putting off starting a family or having children, for example, is not advisable. If you want kids, have them now before it’s too late.

Blogger Mark Manson writes it best, “You don’t have the time. You don’t have the money. You need to perfect your career first. They’ll end your life as you know it. Oh shut up… Kids are great. They make you better in every way. They push you to your limits. They make you happy. You should not defer having kids.”

3. Start pursuing work that you actually love

Your 30’s are also a great time to explore other areas of your line of work and develop your truest passion(s), whether it is music, writing, or business. Nothing could be worse than anchoring yourself to a job you hate, having to make your living at it and never having an opportunity to pursue your truest passions. There is actually an economic term for that: Sunk costs—where you figure you should continue with something because you’ve already sunk so much into it. It’s responsible for many a disastrous careers, many a failed businesses and many an unhappy life.

Find a job you actually love where your passions meet with your talents and where you get the greatest fulfillment. As Steve Jobs said, “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life… And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.”

4. Stop comparing yourself to others

Thanks to social networks life Facebook, it’s easier than ever to compare yourself to friends  and peers who may have married, gotten kids or bought a house and feel like a loser. Don’t do that. Stop comparing yourself with others. We are all different and grow at our own pace. It’s particularly important that you understand that in your 30s otherwise you might feel depressed and derail from the true path to success and happiness. As one psychotherapist writes, constantly comparing yourself to others creates unnecessary psychological stress and can throw your self-esteem out the window.

Love yourself and keep taking good care of yourself. That means allowing yourself to grow and evolve at your own pace. “If you are unable to do some things in life compared to your siblings and friends, then please be at peace with yourself,” advises Mahesh Kay. “Don’t be harsh on yourself.”

5. Start being content with what you already have

Rather than be bitter and envious of other people, be calm, patient and content with what you have. Research shows that appreciating what you have can increase happiness and decrease negative feelings. Of course, you should strive for better, but understand that life doesn’t always work out exactly how we want or plan. Knowing that can shield you from adverse effects of life’s inevitable disappointments.

Borrow a leaf from Oprah Winfrey and start counting your blessings, even when you don’t have much. Keep a daily gratitude journal like she did. It will do you a whole lot of good. And remember, as Khalil Gibran says, “Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”

6. Start forgiving yourself for your mistakes

You probably made many mistakes in your teens and 20s. Everybody makes mistakes. Your 30s are the right time to reflect and forgive yourself for those mistakes. People who practice self-compassion see their weaknesses as changeable and try to avoid making the same errors in the future.

Learn from your mistakes, let them go and move on. Don’t dwell on the errors of the past. Psychologists say that the ability to forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes is the key driver of success.

7. Start exercising regularly

Make time for exercise in your 30s. Your future self will thank you for it. In the latter half of your 30s, you will start to lose muscle mass and begin to gain a few pounds as your metabolism slows. That’s why it’s especially important that you exercise at this time.

Try to move yourself as much as possible. It doesn’t matter if it’s walking, jogging, hiking, swimming or weightlifting—as long as it involves some movement—do it. However, choose physical activities that you love as you are less likely to continue exercising if you dislike your workouts.

8. Start calling your parents at regular intervals

Many 30-somethings get so caught up in the motions of raising a family, building a career and so on that they forget to attend to their relationship with their parents. Remember that your parents grow older as you do, and they will not live forever. Neglecting them may be neglecting opportunities you may rue.

Call your parents regularly. A simple “Hi mom, how are you? Yeah? Yeah. She’s doing fine. I know. I’ll keep warm. OK, love you, bye.” That’s all it takes to alleviate their concerns, keep their mental and emotional wellbeing intact and keep your relationship with them healthy. Visit them whenever you can.

9. Start making healthy eating habits a priority

One of the things that can go with a growing list of responsibilities is healthy eating habits. However, not making healthy eating habits a priority in your 30s can make you get to your 40s and later years being slow, tired and burdened by a list of health complaints that could have been avoided.

Eat a well-balanced diet, low in saturated fats and full of fruits and vegetables. Avoid processed and junk foods as much as possible. Quit smoking and excessive alcohol consumption. No hard drugs either. Make your health a priority because your health is your wealth.

10. Continue enjoying life

Just because you’re not in your 20s anymore doesn’t mean you should stop having fun. Spending all of your 30s chasing after money will only make you grumpy, cynical and unhappy about life. The resounding theme among those who have lived through their 30s is that none of the money you work hard to make matters if you’re not enjoying life. So enjoy life with those you care about while you still can.

Go on dates with your partner; play with your kids (if you have any); organize group trips with your close friends to go see the world. You only live once. Why not live the best way you can? Have a blast in your 30s and make fond memories, but remember to build your purpose.

 

Source: Life Hack

9 Mental Habits That Will Turn You Bitter Over Time.

Over the course of our lives, we run across all types of people—and the fact that we’re prone to classifying them as “types” shows just how much we tend to believe that people are certain ways by nature. The truth is, many aspects of our personalities and emotional make-ups are brought on over time by the psychological habits we have adopted: the ways in which we interpret events, the thoughts that run through our heads like clockwork, and the explanations we give ourselves for how the world works. Few people would endorse wanting to become bitter and negative human beings, and yet it’s not an uncommon sight to see, especially for people who have experienced more than their share of tough times. Want to have a more hopeful and optimistic outlook on life? See if you can diminish the following mental habits, and go from there.

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1) Not forgiving others. Many people equate forgiveness with forgetting that something happened altogether or saying that it was okay that it did. That’s not what forgiveness is about. And many people claim that they have forgiven someone for something, and yet in reality, they have not. What real forgiveness means is allowing yourself to be free from the resentment of having been wronged, to accept that something has occurred and to believe that you deserve to move on from it. It’s to declare your independence from perseverating on how to get revenge on another person, to stop dwelling on how to make them “make up for it” and continuing to let that corrode your emotional well-being. It is letting go in its healthiest, truest sense. Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the wrongness of someone’s actions. It just allows you to no longer be hurt by them. Forgiveness is associated with reduced depression, stress, and hostility, and improved self-esteem and even physical health. When you look at its benefits, you’ll see it’s about being kind to yourself, not doing a favor for someone else.

2) Not forgiving yourself. Even more kind is allowing yourself to move on from your own mistakes. Regret, embarrassment, shame, and guilt from a single mistake can haunt you for years. And the ensuing negative thoughts, stress, and pessimistic outlook on life can create a dynamic where you view the world in a bitter way—all because you feel like you are unworthy of feeling okay. In fact, forgiving yourself has been shown to help reduce feelings of depression. If you find yourself plagued by thoughts of past mistakes, start noticing and exploring them. When are they at their worst? What feelings do they bring on? What makes them go away? If you are locked in a never-ending fight with the thoughts, trying to “reason” your way out of them, see if instead you can learn to accept their presence without endorsing their meaning. “I’m having the thought again about the time I really was cruel to my parents. Hi, thought. I hear you there. You can’t hurt me right now, though, because I’m deciding what to have for lunch.”

3) All-or-none thinking. It is amazing how frequently all-or-none thinking seems to underlie such a variety of unhealthy psychological states. From panic to low self-esteem, from perfectionism to hopelessness, it is not uncommon to uncover hidden and not-so-hidden patterns of this dysfunctional thinking in my clients when they are struggling with a negative worldview. What all-or-none thinking does, by its very definition, is make your outlook on life more rigid. It magnifies negativity by making it appear bigger than it really is. It keeps your mind focusing on what’s gone wrong rather than what’s gone right, and it sets you up to see the bad in people, things, and life more often than the good. See if you can catch yourself making this mistake in daily life. Are you inherently uncomfortable with shades of gray, and do you prefer things to be more black-and-white? That might be good for organizing a closet, but when it comes to how you process bad things happening, it can hurt you.

4) Holding others to a higher standard than you hold yourself. When you are constantly disappointed and annoyed with people around you, it could mean that you are having an unlucky break and not being treated the way you deserve. It could also mean that you are choosing ill-fitting people to accompany you throughout life. Or, more likely, it could mean that you have a set of overly rigid standards for other people’s behavior that you don’t apply to yourself. In fact, sometimes we are hardest on others when we see our own traits in them—things that we don’t like to admit or look at. Seeing them in others makes us uncomfortable. Like the classic hypocrite who crusades against sins far smaller than the one he or she commits in their private life, it’s bound to create a disconnect within us that causes stress, hostility, and negativity. Examine what’s really going on when you’re chronically frustrated with someone, whether it’s the stranger in the left-hand turn lane or your messy roommate. Are you looking at the whole picture? What if you, instead of bathing in the negative energy, chose to reflect on the last time you made a mistake and the way it may have looked to others? Sending empathy to others, even when you least want to, can be a surprisingly powerful tool to take away the anger.

5) Believing that things will never get better. Severe hopelessness can be particularly dangerous, putting people at increased risk for depression and even suicide. But even milder beliefs about how things will never improve can do significant damage day-to-day. “My sister will never get her act together,” “I’ll never be able to pay off my student loans,” and “The world is a bad place and getting worse” are all beliefs that show hopelessness and can blind a person to significant evidence to the contrary. A lifetime is, for most of us, a decades-long ride that sees many highs and many lows, and many ebbs and many flows. Believing that there is a downward trajectory obstructs the beauty of everyday things and keeps you hopelessly and inaccurately believing negative ideas—giving them a staying power in you that they don’t deserve. Imagine how much peace you can feel simply by allowing yourself to believe that harmonious and beautiful things are out there in the world, yet to be experienced. It takes practice to see them, but they are there and always will be.

6) Believing you have less control over your life than you really do. Learned helplessness, first identified by Martin Seligman, involves the belief that we don’t have control over our situations even in cases when we do, and so we convince ourselves we shouldn’t even bother to try. This mindset has been shown to be correlated with depression, and for some people it follows a period of time when they really did not have much control over their lives—perhaps suffering from abuse or neglect, for example. But when the beliefs that we have no power persist after we, in actuality, have gained power back, we deny ourselves the potential to make our lives better. And we increase the likelihood that we view the world as an inherently demoralizing place, convincing ourselves that we can’t make a difference. The more that we can feel that we can steer our own ship, the more we can build a life that suits us. Are you underestimating your ability to get out of that dead-end job, find a partner that treats you well, or develop a peaceful resolution to your years-long fight with your brother? If so, you are doing yourself a great disservice—and increasing your chances of letting your mindset harden into a bitter one.

7) Believing the myth of arrival. The myth of arrival refers to the idea that once you have “arrived” at a certain point in your life, everything will fall into place and the life you have waited for will finally begin. But sometimes this belief, that things will automatically get better once a certain thing happens, can be nearly as damaging as believing that things will never improve, because the former sets you up for a devastating letdown when things actually don’t get better. “Once I finally meet the one/get my promotion/lose those twenty pounds/live in a bigger house/get my kids settled into independent and successful lives… then I’ll be happy” are common ways of thinking. But putting our happiness on hold and in the hands of a random life event that may or may not have any effect whatsoever on our happiness is giving way too much power to an external situation and not nearly enough to ourselves. It robs us of the ability to find joy on our own terms. It makes us miss the proverbial journey because we’re so over-focused on the destination. And worst of all, it sets us up for the crash that comes when we realize that it wasn’t those twenty pounds that were making us depressed—it was the fact that we were depressed, for different reasons entirely, that made us put on twenty pounds in the first place.

8) Overgeneralizing. It was one of the “cognitive errors” that Aaron Beck first identified as putting people at higher risk for depression, and it often manifests itself in believing that if you fail at one thing, you will fail at everything. The tendency to overgeneralize—to turn a setback into a mountain from a molehill—also underlies a lot of people’s thinking patterns who have pervasive negative views of the world outside of themselves. Sometimes this type of thinking can even look like paranoia (“Give anyone an inch, and they will take a mile” or “Just about everyone will take advantage of you if you let them.”) It’s true that not every human being out there is a paragon of virtue, but it’s also true that there is a heck of a lot of goodness if you look for it. And just because there are scammers out there doesn’t mean that you should stop helping those who aren’t. After all, helping others gives us a mood boost. Examine your beliefs to see if you are—against all available evidence—overgeneralizing the world into a dangerous or hostile place, which may show hostility coming from within.

9) Not practicing gratitude. By now you’ve probably heard it, and I’ve written about it in this very space: Being grateful for things big and small brings big changes to your mentalhealth. It is much harder to be bitter about your late-arriving dinner (“I AM NEVER COMING TO THIS RESTAURANT AGAIN!“) and have it ruin your whole night if you allow yourself to acknowledge how gorgeous the blooming trees outside the restaurant window were while you waited, or the fact that you are able to afford to pay someone to cook you a meal at all, or the fact that you were with someone who could make you laugh, no matter how much your stomachs were growling. Some people may think that gratitudemeditation or keeping a list of things that you’re grateful for is hokey. But would you rather be a little hokey or be the person who goes their whole life without the mental and physical health benefits (lessened depression, improved immune system functioning and heart health, among many others) that gratitude brings?

Do you notice any of these habits in yourself or those you love? Let me know in the comments, and join me and other readers on Facebook!

 

Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., is a speaker and licensed clinical psychologist. She is the author ofThe Friendship Fix and an upcoming book about the psychology of everyday life (stay tuned!), and serves on the faculty of Georgetown University. Her mental health advice column Baggage Check has appeared in the Washington Post Express for more than eleven years. She speaks to audiences large and small about relationships, motivation, and work-life balance and is a television commentator about mental health issues. Join the conversation on Facebook or Twitter!

 

Source: Psychology Today