Tag: Better

Things You Never Thought Of , Can End Your Relationship !!!

Relationship Myths.

 

Music, movies, friends and fairy tales teach us how to love but they don’t teach us what not to do and where it can go wrong.  Will you accept any suggestion without asking a single question about it? Don’t you argue to a statement said by a friend or a teacher or anyone who you think is trying to advice you?

Then how can you accept such lessons without questioning , this can be dangerous to the health of your relationships.  Here are five myths that can kill any love relationship.

You’ll be wise to avoid them.

 

  1. Love is enough.
  2. There is nothing to learn.
  3. If you love me, you’ll _______.
  4. My mate will change.
  5. I’ll do my half.

 

 

  1. Love is enough.

This is a lie. Love alone is not enough to hold you together. There must be communication, a sense of togetherness and understanding each other is an important part of any relationship. Life brings with it challenges. There comes a point when you now have to find out how to share the same house, the same room, the same bed, and the same money you have.

This will be no longer a dating scene as it used to be, you now have new friends, relatives, and strangers to deal with. Those charming things you like about each other are now with you all the time. Closeness brings intimacy but it also brings a need to change and adapt. Change is difficult. You can tolerate so much of change that won’t affect you.

In fact, studies show that living together before marriage is an indicator for a higher chance of divorce. Even though you can’t avoid problems, you can prevent their damage. What you can do is to create a safe environment at home where you can talk with each other, get some time to communicate with each other.  When you can talk without fear of criticism, anger, or any other lack of support, you can talk about anything. Problems can only be solved when you can talk as true partners, without any fear of one denying other.

                                   

  1. There is nothing to learn

Since love is not enough and you were probably not taught neither you were keen to learn how to communicate and solve problems, it’s time to learn. Even couples who have come from the best of homes probably never saw their parents solve problems. What they often get to see is a conflict in place every third day and then none of them talking to one another till the weekend. Parents rarely are able to teach their children the skills for handling difficult times and the skills for keeping love alive.

As your relation celebrates more days adding into it making it closer to one more anniversary, romance takes a backseat. Romance often get reduced gradually with the time, there can be many reasons for the same. As you grow through life, you will change. Your partner will change. Your relationship will change. If you stay open to accepting change, you can grow from it rather than resisting it.

Learning who you are and who your partner is can be a wonderful experience. Just remember that it doesn’t stop when you think you have learned everything from the past. You have the present and the future to look forward to.

 

  1. If you love me, you’ll _______.

Fill in the blank with what comes to mind.

Some popular ones are: …you’ll change, know what I need, do what I want, give in, and just trust me. This statement makes love conditional upon the other person doing what you ask as a proof of their love. Such expectation of conditional love is dangerous. There is a dark translation to this type of expectation. What you are saying, in effect is, “I don’t trust your love so you better prove it to me now.”, or “I don’t care enough about you to consider your feelings, wants, and needs. What I want is more important.”

This type of statement can be a warning sign. Demand and conditional love usually say more about the person making the statement than about the recipient. It speaks to an unreasonable expectation that may be motivated by a lack of care about the partner or by a personal lack of self-esteem.  Expectations of “knowing what I need” demand that your partner have the ability to mind read. I noticed it many times that your girl will not ask for what she need, thinking as if you know her demands. You are in a relationship doesn’t mean that you know everything about your partner. You are not a mind reader I believe!!! They must tell what they need and what they don’t.

The only way your partner can know what you need, want, feel, or think is your telling them. Good communication is a powerful tool for understanding. On the other hand, it is not unreasonable to have expectations of your partner in the relationship. How you voice them is important.

 

  1. My mate will change.

Yes, they will and you have no control. The people who expect there mate to change in the way they want are the ones who gets disappointed. The only person you can ever change is yourself.  This can be a relationship killing expectation, as no one changes for anybody and no one actually should change for any person except himself/herself.  In many cases, they expect there partner to change for example If he is a foodie and you cannot expect him to be on diet as soon as he marries you !!!

Such demands are unreasonable, unwelcome, and unlikely to succeed.

People change because they want to not because you want them to. And all people change and grow as they age. But people rarely change for the better when they are under pressure from someone else…even a loved one.

The strongest relationships are founded on the commitment of two strong individuals who bring themselves to the relationship. It means compromise, growth and change but it does not mean giving in to the unreasonable demands of another. The article, Change and Grow has some further insights on this subject.

 

  1. I’ll do my half.

 It’s about compromising several times; you compromise because you love your partner. There is no such thing as a truly successful long term marriage where each partner gives only their half (50%). The only truth is that our expectations for a fairy tale marriage lead us down the road to disappointment, disillusionment, and divorce.

“I’ve had it. You’re selfish. If you really loved me, you’d understand what I need. I’ve been giving and giving and I get nothing in return. You don’t give me what I want anymore. Maybe we should get divorced.”  This conversation or others like it is held are more common in relationships these days. Being in a relationship is not that easy and magical as they show us on television or movies. It takes lot of efforts; it’s about keeping aside your ego. Sometimes you have to fight with your own-self. Relationships can provide you immense pleasure and strength but when it comes to hardships this can let you experience the worst.

The truth will help you create your role in a positive lifetime marriage. The Truth: Men and women are not equal. Thank God. We are different as individuals and, in that difference, lies part of the answer to a happy marriage. What we choose to do with those differences determines, perhaps more than love, what our relationship will look like. And it’s not a fifty-fifty deal. A truly happy and lifetime marriage relationship is a seventy five: seventy five proposition (75:75) and all marriages will have problems at some time. It’s inevitable. Differences and intimacy are a recipe for conflict.

By giving more than half, with the faith that you are both committed to the same marriage team and by communicating for understanding, with the goal of a winning marriage, you can overcome the inevitable problems of creating a happy married life. You can prosper and be happy when you each give seventy five percent to your marriage.

When you know that your partner is contributing more than their fair share, it’s easier for you to do the same. Even though the fairy tales aren’t always right, there can be a happy ending; a happy  married life for those of you who commit to giving more to your marriage. When you communicate for understanding, and make your relationship a priority, you do have a chance of succeeding where so many other millions have failed. Yes, it takes work.